does anyone else feel like….idk how to explain it….like completely disconnected from life around them? constantly going “these are my friends” and “this is my home” and “this is my life” and “this is my body” to remind yourself that you’re not just some timeless floating essence and even those mantras are completely useless and you almost never come down from it and you’re feeling like….everything is real but also completely fake at the same time
It’s that thing when you’re with someone and you love them and they know it and they love you and you know it but it’s a party and you’re both talking to other people and you’re laughing and shining and you look across the room and catch each other’s eyes. But not because you’re possessive, or it’s precisely sexual, but because that is your person in this life and it’s funny and sad but only because this life will end and it’s this secret world that exists right there. In public. Unnoticed. That no one else knows about. It’s sort of like how they say that other dimensions exist all around us but we don’t have the ability to perceive them. That’s what I want out of a relationship. Or just life, I guess.
I have seen broken hearts. I have seen broken dreams. I have seen broken people. I have seen shattered life. But I have seen mending hearts too. I have seen also dreams come true. I have seen smiling people despite of pain, as well. And mostly, I have seen second or even more chances as they regain their faith that life is beautiful and has more to offer for them.
I did not direct my life. I didn’t design it. I never made decisions. Things always came up and made them for me. That’s what life is.
I loved [you] so much. Love [you] so much. I don’t know why I use the past tense. It’s not as if love dies with the beloved.
I think everything in life is art. What you do. How you dress. The way you love someone, and how you talk. Your smile and your personality. What you believe in, and all your dreams. The way you drink your tea. How you decorate your home. Or party. Your grocery list. The food you make. How your writing looks. And the way you feel. Life is art.
i have one friend that makes me feel valued and loved and i want her to have an amazing life and prosper in every way possible she is a small light in my dark life i love her to bits
“When my absence doesn’t alter your life, then my presence has no meaning in it.”
—
i like to pretend i don’t give a fuck but honestly i don’t think i’ve ever not given a fuck in my whole life
